I walk into my house after photographing a birth in Derbyshire sometime mid-morning and go to the toilet. I scroll a bit and then put my phone back into my pocket. As I’m washing my hands a voice from my pocket is saying: “hello? helloooo?” I take my phone out and realise I had accidentally video called the last person I had been messaging on Instagram. How utterly embarassing. However, if it had to be anyone, I was glad it was Lizzie, a fellow photographer who happened to be the person who photographed Daisy’s pregnancy and referred her to me for birth photography.

Lizzie knew that Daisy was due around that time and I had posted in the wee hours of the morning on my stories that I was at a hospital photographing a birth. She connected the dots and asked me about Daisy and all I could say was…wow! What a birth.

Daisy shared a little bit about her IVF journey and how it impacted her experience of pregnancy:

“Being an IVF baby, getting pregnant doesn’t really get rid of the “what ifs” it just comes with a whole new anxiety which is will we make it to the next scan/appointment/birth a live baby… you name it, it plays on your mind. With the additional scans and appointments, it is difficult to just enjoy [pregnancy] sometimes. It took a lot of emotional and mental toll sometimes. But we made an effort to enjoy it and try and do special things.”

I asked Daisy how she was feeling in the lead up to her birth:

“Leading up to the birth I was 100% certain I wanted a vaginal birth, that was my number 1 priority because it was going to be the normal bit of pregnancy for me. We had so many appointments, and going through IVF, I wanted to experience this last thing and know I could do this myself and I didn’t need help. I could birth a baby. I also knew the health benefits around good bacteria and how its passed through birth etc. and that was something I wanted to give [baby W] if I could. As we got further along and found out [baby W] was breech, and all the different things we had tried to turn him, I had to compromise from home birth to consultant lead care which is was quite a jump but I knew it was the right thing to do for everyone.”

“I had to get a Patient Midwife Advocate (PMA) , someone who was going to help me with my advocating because I wasn’t getting great responses from the first consultant who at 16 weeks wanted to schedule an induction etc. and I didn’t feel like she had my best interests at heart. I changed to a new consultant and she was absolutely okay with a breech birth. The thing they were always telling me what that [baby W] was small, this is because I am tall and quite heavy so it affects my charts… This information came from ultrasound scans which were always caveated with “suboptimal foetal position” or “difficulty finding measurements” so I didn’t have much faith in the measurements. Plus the weights they were coming out with were not small… a predicted 6+lb baby at birth is a normal baby weight, but they had decided this was 4^th centile and huge cause for concern. After this there were discussions about inductions at 37 weeks, c-sections etc. I had information on my side and had some very reasoned discussions with the consultants. A lot of compromise again! After my final scan (38+5) they were asking if I would consider a c-section because of baby growth. The doppler measurements were always strong and very good and I was certain I had already started labour so I manages to compromise with daily foetal monitoring, I would not go over 40 weeks.”

“I don’t really like hospitals; I have a lot of experience of people not listening to me and being sent home with injuries that needed surgery etc. It is a place of anxiety. I wanted a home birth because I knew that being on home turf meant I held more power. It was a little bit of a strategic war move haha! But I felt being in that environment would give me less anxiety and more control over my labour. I would picture labouring at home, where I would do it, what it would look like. I did grieve a little bit. It took me a couple of weeks to come to terms with the fact it wouldn’t happen. I think I cried after the ECV (An external cephalic version)  failed because that was it. The PMA and the breech specialist midwives I met were incredibly helpful, she took me round the hospital wards, the birthing rooms, everything and made me feel much more comfortable about it and really empowered me to do a breech birth. At the time I think I knew it was the best thing for me and him, just because some of the midwives had expressed they weren’t comfortable with breech births and they definitely wouldn’t feel comfortable with doing one at home. I also thought about how I love teaching people things, advocating for women in STEM and mentoring, so why not put on a show for the midwives in the hospital and they can learn something too.”

As a birth photographer, this was the first breech birth I had ever photographed, so it was fascinating for me to experience as well. There was so much palpable excitement in the hospital from the midwives that someone was coming in for a vaginal breech delivery. I heard student midwives tell me that they played rock, paper, scissors with the other student midwives to see who would be lucky to attend the breech birth.

I also listened as a midwife said “Most ladies choose a c-section for breech. This is my first breech in 8 years. The last one I had was when I was a student. Not many people choose vaginally if breech.” And all I could do was smile and nod while internally I was screaming: “I WONDER WHY” thinking about how much advocacy and fighting Daisy had to put in to be where she was in that moment. Thinking about the levels of coercion medical practitioners utilise to convince birthing people that c-section is their only choice for breech babies.

“I started feeling sick, headaches, not being able to concentrate and very tired a week before [baby W] was born. This was when I knew I had started labouring. We had a scan on the Friday and asked for a check after the consultant agreed I postpone the c-section, and found out I was 1cm dilated and 50% effaced. She gave me a sweep to help move things along. I was excited! Not only was I doing it by myself, I was doing it well! I came in for my 2^nd monitoring session on the Sunday and I asked for a 2^nd sweep, I was fully effaced and 1cm dilated so definitely moving in the right direction. All day Monday from 7am to 9pm I had contractions every 20 to 40 minutes. I felt calm, breathing and moving through all of them. It wasn’t overly painful and I just kept busy. At 9pm everything stopped, no contractions at all. So I started to pump to get things moving, and because if I was going to need a c section I was going to need milk supply for afterwards, so I pumped. Went to bed at 9:45. Woke up at 2:30 with period pain and needing the loo, 3:10 my waters broke. Between 3:10 and getting to the hospital at 340 I had 4 contractions, and they ramped up quickly. I didn’t really care where I laboured at this point. I was concentrating on my breathing. Being breech, you have to labour in the hospital once your waters break because there are risks like prolapse cord etc. so I was just hoping it went quickly.

I don’t remember being noisy I just remember being in my own zone and doing what I needed. The contractions were quite strong and it stopped me being any other position than laid down. I just remember feeling like I could do it…

Time flew, it felt like I slept through about 5 hours of it because it felt fast and slow all at the same time. It’s a strange feeling. I felt like I enjoyed it, which is not something I ever thought I would say out loud, but I enjoyed bringing him into the world…

After the birth, I ended up being put under general anaesthetic to remove the placenta because it wouldn’t come out, which was ironic after all the discussions about degrading placenta. I remember telling the anaesthetic person that he better wake me up! I wasn’t scared, I’d just tried so hard to get pregnant and have a baby there was nothing going to stop me being a mum! After that, it was fine!”

I asked Daisy what led her to deciding to hire a birth photographer:

“I didn’t know whether I would ever get the chance to do this again, and I wanted to know what it looked like. I wanted to know what other people in the room felt like. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to take any of this moment in while I had a job to do so I wanted this to help me digest the moment afterwards. I also wanted a momento and a little trophy of being able to say this is what I did! I went through this feat and these pictures are that for me.”

I asked her how she felt having a birth photographer in her birthing space:

“You were a much needed feminine energy in my corner that I really remember cheering me on. It felt powerful having someone there to document my moment.”

I asked how she thought having her birth documented impacted how she remembered her experience:

“I definitely remember it now as more positive, and when I look back at those photos and just feel like there were so many more people there than I remember ahha!”

Before her birth, I asked if she would be okay with me using flash photography and she said she was fine with it. I told her after the birth that I used quite a lot of flash photography and asked if it felt disruptive to her experience at all? It’s a common concern many have when enquiring about birth photography that flash will disturb or distrupt their labouring. Daisy replied:

“Not at all. I don’t really remember you taking any photos until the end when he was born and you got a couple of family photos. I was amazed with how much you captured without me knowing haha!”

And what would she say to someone on the fence about hiring a birth photographer:

“I understand it isn’t for everyone, but its one of the most rewarding things. I have seen myself achieve something incredible, I got to see how my husband looks at me while I achieved it, that’s something I will be forever grateful for. It’s worth it.”

When asked if there were any particular photos that stood out to her from her birth gallery, Daisy replied:

“There are a couple where Ben is watching me labour, and there is one where Ben is on focus looking at me breastfeeding [baby W] and we are out of focus. These really stand out to me because Ben isn’t very open with expressing his feelings or emotions, he is very practical. But those moments you can tell what he is feeling.

There are some ones of me breathing through contractions and I am just amazed at how calm I look… because I remember at one point the contractions just felt a little overwhelming, just before I had to push really… so It just made me feel proud of myself.”

If you’re interested in chatting or learning more about what documenting your birth in Derbyshire or South Yorkshire might be like, do get in touch.

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